Imagine your neighbor (a friendly woman — smells of sardines and is befriended by many cats) arrives at your kitchen table with a folder of bank statements. Regardless of her feline preoccupations, she’s always been the person in your unit who remembers birthdays and checks on everyone else. She’s an otherwise kind person who’d be labeled ‘eccentric’ if her bank account was larger. But something’s wrong: you can tell she’s in distress. She can barely explain what happened. Someone convinced her to send money online, then more money. She hasn’t told her children. She’s afraid to approach the police. She’s starting to panic.
Your response matters.
“How could you fall for that?” may feel like an ordinary question. Laughing her face another. Perhaps slapping your forehead and exclaiming, “Duh!” may also come to mind. But to someone already ashamed, it a damning verdict. It’s easy to ridicule people, especially those who we consider our friends and family.
Instead, how about, “Hey. I’m glad you told me. Let’s work out what to do next.”
See how that opens a different door? Instead of slamming it in her face, you’re inviting her in.
Empathy can take you a long way.
Blame and Shame Shouldn’t Be Our First Response
An Associated Press and FRONTLINE investigation describes people who lost savings to scammers, then faced ridicule, debts, and frustrating attempts to get help. One man, identified as Simon, sought companionship after his wife died. A person posing as a romantic partner stole $800,000. Another scammer then offered to help recover it—for a price. (Read the reporting.) The money was one loss. The fear of telling his family was another.
Scammers routinely exploit ordinary human needs: affection, security, a steady income, reassurance that someone we love is safe. Recognizing those needs in ourselves should make us slower to judge someone else. Being deceived does not erase a person’s intelligence or their right to be treated with respect. This is the essence of supporting someone: empathizing with their condition.
What Can You Do to Help?
Start by listening. Let the person tell the story without turning every detail into a lesson about what they should have noticed. You can say plainly, “The person who deceived you is responsible for this.” There will be time to discuss warning signs. The first conversation should make the next conversation possible.
Then offer specific help, with permission. “Would you like me to sit with you while you call the bank?” is more useful than “Let me know if you need anything,” or the dreaded, “Thoughts and prayers.” Ugh - useless!
With their permission, help write out a plan. Help contact the bank or payment service promptly, using a number from an official statement or website. Explain the scam and ask whether the payment can be reversed. Recovery is uncertain, but acting quickly matters. (Federal Trade Commission guidance.)
Help save messages, receipts, and transaction details. Offer to write down what happened so they do not have to reconstruct it for every call. You can also help submit a report at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Let them decide who else to tell; the victim’s experience is not yours to circulate.
Be especially careful when someone mysteriously promises to retrieve the money for an upfront fee. Scammers target people who have already lost money, exploiting the hope that someone can undo the damage. Verify any offer independently before sharing information or paying. (Federal Trade Commission warning.)
Keep showing up. Invite them to dinner. Ask how they are sleeping. A missing retirement fund or a relationship that never existed can leave grief that outlasts the urgent phone calls.
Help with the next ordinary thing. While someone is trying to explain a scam to the bank, they may also be wondering how to pay for groceries on Friday. Ask, “Is there anything you need this week that we can sort out together?” A meal, a ride, or help finding local assistance can ease the pressure while they work through the larger problem.
Let them remain in charge. Being scammed can shake someone’s confidence in their own judgment. Ask whether they want you to make a call, take notes, or simply sit beside them. Offer choices instead of taking over. They need support, and they still deserve a say in what happens next. Help should not become supervision of their entire life, but it can be a lifeline in a tumultuous, scary moment.
Today, go an extra mile. Tell someone you care about: “If you ever get caught in a scam, you can tell me. I’ll help you.” Reassure them that you’re approachable Say it before they need it. Give them a sentence they can remember when asking for help feels hardest.
Empathy Is Our Mission
At Technoactivism, we believe technology should serve people, and empathy helps us understand what people actually need. Good tech support begins with empathy. Sometimes that means explaining a confusing tool. Sometimes it means sitting beside a neighbor while she calls her bank. How we respond when technology is used to hurt someone matters as much as what we build with it. We listen without judgment, offer practical help, and protect dignity. That’s a mission we — everyone! — can put into practice today.
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